I have never been someone who enjoys goodbyes. Whether it was the final curtain call of play I was doing, or saying farewell to friends who were moving cross-country, or the end of a vacation, I always experienced the “blues.”   However, when the last eight years forced me to say goodbye to my mother and my best friend along with my only aunt and uncle, my NYC life and my career of fifteen years, I had to learn how to deal with the energies of loss and letting go in a much deeper way.

Loss was not something new to me. I have lost jobs, had dreams dashed, and parted ways with relationships, as have most people. I handled some well and others not so well. I was young, and I did the best I could with what I knew at the time.   However, this period of loss felt very different. It felt as if  I was being forced to say the dreaded farewell to everyone I loved and everything that had come to define me in the outer world. It was as if I entered a dark cave with no map. I had a choice; to either see this period as a tragic mistake which would leave me stuck in the frightening cave or trust that it was an opportunity somehow in my favor even though I could not imagine what that opportunity possibly could be. I chose the later.

I consciously worked to be lovingly present for those dying. I processed my feelings so that I could authentically be with them not projecting my fears onto them. I examined and transformed beliefs that my fear forced to the surface. I practiced non-judgment like never before so that I could support whatever choices they made. I discovered new levels of compassion as I listened to their fears and regrets. I became intimate with the process of grief and its power to reveal the beauty of the human heart. I used every single thing happening as a mirror for my inner work and growth. It was the only thing I knew to do. I got comfortable traversing the cave.

When I lost my career and subsequently my NYC life and had no clue what to do next, I practiced faith and patience. I used gratitude in new ways to remind myself that I had lost before only to find something better. I connected deeper with my Higher Self as my ego was raging with worst-case scenarios. I expanded my trust that this is a loving world and universe and that I mattered when I felt alone. I dared to go to a new level of truth enabling me to heal remaining wounds. Moreover, as I healed, I felt compassion for whom I had been and sincerely grateful for whom I was becoming. I experienced self-love with new clarity and intensity. I used every spiritual muscle I had even discovering some new ones along the way. I worked my butt off!

I titled my book, How Learning to Say Goodbye Taught Me How to Live, for the simple reason that in learning how to say goodbye, I learned how to say hello to my authentic self. The self that doesn’t need to judge, to control, to be right that does not lose itself in fear or self-loathing but the authentic self that always rests in love. This period of upheaval changed me to my core forever as I discovered the hidden gems within the cave.  By learning to let go of what was, both inwardly and outwardly, I have begun to experience what could be. And for that, I am eternally grateful!

Until next time, be the light the world needs and stay in love for all!