One of the fundamental cornerstones for living spiritually authentic is practicing self-love. For many of us, this can be challenging for the simple fact that it takes a certain amount of insight and wisdom to acknowledge that we lack in self-love and to know how to remedy it. We have been taught to look outward for proof of our value, worth, and lovability.   The problem with that is that you will never believe you are valuable, worthy or lovable if you do not believe it in your heart first. It does not matter how many people may try to tell you; you will not buy it. Oh, it may work for a while, but eventually, you will sabotage yourself because you believe you do not deserve it.   So, you get back on the hamster wheel, again and again, trying desperately to find that sense that you matter and are loved. You may think this job or this person will fill the void, but it never does. Why? – Because you are going at it backward.

One of the easiest ways to discover if you are on that hamster wheel is to look at your behavior. Do you do things to please people even when you would rather not? Do you put others’ needs before yours, often to your determent? Do you berate yourself for supposed mistakes you may have made? Do you allow others to treat you badly? Do you live in martyr trying to prove your worth by what you do and hoping that if you sacrifice enough, you will be rewarded with what you feel is missing?   All of these traits indicate a need to go inward not outward to find the way back to self-love.

Another indication of the lack of self-love is blaming or bullying. If you are constantly looking to blame others for what you feel inside or for what is missing on the outside, realize that there is a false premise at work here: that you somehow are not as important to the universe as another and that others have power over you. You believe that you are a victim. The other side of that coin is the bully. Same victim energy as the person who blames but the bully acts out that sense of powerlessness or being unlovable with trying to have power and control over another. All of these actions stem from the lack of self-love. No one can give you what you refuse to give to yourself. When you have self-love you have no need to prove your worthiness, your value, your betterment over others.

You must discover inwardly the beauty, value, and worth that is you.   Most times this means rolling up your sleeves and doing the hard work of healing your past wounds and changing the negative beliefs (lies) that you created out of those wounds.  That idea can seem scary to a lot of people, which is why I think it often takes a loss or crisis to force us to look deeper within and to do the heavy lifting of transformation. However, if you are willing to do the work you can find your way back to love and actually fall in love with yourself again.  When you truly love yourself, flaws and all, you open yourself up to receiving as well as offering that same love to others.

The power of self-love enables you to move through the world with an open heart and a mind free from judgments. What a wonderful world that would be! Do your share by learning to love yourself. It all starts with YOU.

Until next time, be the light the world needs and stay in love for all!